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Megaera, Alecto, and Tisiphone, the Furies. Beware, violence ahead.…

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Megaera, Alecto, and Tisiphone, the Furies.

Beware, violence ahead.

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Three curvy figures in leather step through the door, eerily backlit by the fluorescents in the parking garage. One holds a gun, a Colt .45, leveled at her quarry’s heart. One holds two sets of keys, his car and theirs. The third is slipping on a set of clawed brass knuckles.
“You know who we are, Dr. Wildman?” the woman with the keys asks.
“Y-y-yes. Y-y-you’re the w-w-omen my w-wife called. Before she d-d-died-d.”
“That’s right,” says the one with the claws. “How did she die, Dr. Wildman?”
“She f-f-fell. Slipped on a puddle. In the k-k-kitchen. She hit her head on the counter and fell on her knife.”
“Wrong.” The one with the gun takes a step closer. “Where were you when she died, Dr. Wildman?”
“In my study, upstairs. I heard her scream out ‘Help me!’ and I came to see what was wrong.” He is very clear on these details. He drilled them.
“Wrong.” The one with the claws shakes her head. “Where were you an hour before she died, Doctor?”
He looks puzzled, but the seeming change of subject calms him a little. “At home, in m-my study.”
“Doc,” The one with the gun shakes her head. “Three strikes and you’re out.” She fires into his right kneecap. As the first spatter of blood hits the wall of the stairwell and his body hits the floor, his scream echoes up and down the stairs.
“Shut up.” The one with the keys moves the fist with his keys in it abruptly and slams the points of his keys into his vocal cords, effectively stopping the scream.
“One. She didn’t slip in a puddle and fall on a knife. You pushed her, she fell, and you stabbed her, then you arranged her so it looked like she fell on the knife. You’re very good at the right kind of incisions to make, Dr. Wildman.” Claws slash across his left cheek and his eyes open even wider with the pain.
“So, two, clearly you weren’t in your study, you were in the kitchen. Which is the only way you could know that she called to us before she died. She didn’t say ‘Help me!’, she said ‘Avenge me, sisters!’” The keys enter just below his breastbone and a gush of blood spurts out. The woman wipes the blood onto his suit jacket.
“And she said that, three, because you had just gotten home from your mistress’s bed. Which she knew about because she had seen your ladybird at the market, wearing a pin of hers. Your bird told you and you knew you had to kill her or your very cushy job was all over. So you murdered her. And you got away with it, because you left no traces at the crime scene, so the police ruled it an accident. Well done, Dr. Wildman.” The other kneecap is shattered by a bullet before three bullets in quick succession hit him in the forehead, heart, and groin.
The claws leave rough, ugly tracks across his face and chest and torso, before the woman peels the knuckles off and drops them into their case. The keys are used to jab out his eyes before they are left dangling, jingling jauntily, in the hole in his forehead. The gun is long since holstered and its owner is using the blood on the wall to write “SHE IS AVENGED” on the wall.
And Megaera, Alecto, and Tisiphone walk back to their black SUV and drive away.
The Feeling:
amused amused
The Sound:
Hamlet (Red, Hot, and Blue)-Shakespeare on Broadway
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[User Picture]
On August 2nd, 2005 03:27 am (UTC), hydingjekyll commented:
Ah, revenge. The stuff of heaven.
The stuttering got distracting very quickly. You could probably whittle away at the extra letters and leave the overall effect intact. I would also suggest working on the sentence structures when you describe the injuries inflicted, especially in the last paragraph. For example, "the keys enter just below his breastbone and blood spurts out" feels kind of anticlimactic. Maybe something along the lines of "the keys enter just below the breastbone, drawing a spume of blood"--something in that neighborhood.

But I love the idea of the Furies--the Kindly Ones--in a modern context. Clawed brass knuckles are especially cool. Maybe specify what kind of gun? And, I dunno, car keys seem a little mundane for a Fury. But I like how they're used.

Finally, what made you decide on an SUV? I pictured the Furies driving something more agile (and fuel efficient!). Maybe even motorcycles, since that way they would all get to drive.

Bastard got what he deserved. Well done, ladies. The Bard's Lady especially.
[User Picture]
On August 2nd, 2005 06:34 am (UTC), dramaturgca replied:
Re: Ah, revenge. The stuff of heaven.
Check it again, I made some edits...

I think they probably do have motorcycles, but if they're all going on a hit, they're riding together and Alecto is driving. It's an SUV so they have room for a wide variety of weaponry... (They're Olympian, they don't buy gas and they don't create smog...)
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[User Picture]
On August 3rd, 2005 03:24 am (UTC), balletrat commented:
Love the setup and framework - not sure you need to give as much explanation as you do from the Furies, though. Clearly, he killed her; you set that up very nicely with 'he drilled them', on the details. So the Furies don't need to tell us quite as much as they do.
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